


trust

by schwanenkoenigin



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 21:13:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12541344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schwanenkoenigin/pseuds/schwanenkoenigin
Summary: Camila comes home and finds that Lauren isn't doing well at all. So she takes care of her.(Please pay attention to the tags!)





	trust

**Author's Note:**

> i decided to finally publish this on my ao3 as well. enjoy!

When Camila enters the apartment after a long day of work, she instantly knows that something's wrong. Usually, at the sound of her opening the door, Lauren comes running to hug her. To kiss her. 

Lauren immediately asks how her day was, too; asks what she wants to do. If she wants to watch a movie. Or order food. Something of the sort.

That's  _not_  the case tonight, and Camila frowns at it. She's so used to this exact scenario when coming home that, when it doesn't happen, she simply leaves her bag on one of the tables in the living room and then looks for Lauren. She knows her girlfriend's home. She saw her car, her keys are in their usual spot, as well, and the girl's phone is lying on the counter to Camila's right.

Lauren would never leave without her phone.

Camila has no idea what this means. She bites her lip anxiously, chews on it while she crosses the apartment until she's in front of the bedroom. She stays silent for a bit, listening. She thinks maybe if Lauren really is here, she can hear her, but that's not the case either.

Her heart starts being faster. Irregularly. She swallows. She has the feeling something is  _very_  wrong. She doesn't know what, yet, but– she knows her suspicions are going to be confirmed the second she walks through the door in front of her.

The breaths she takes next are shaky. Fingers pressed against the doorknob, she notices that she's started trembling. She has a really,  _really_  bad feeling.

She hasn't even opened the door completely when she's met with the most heartbreaking sight. Lauren  _is_  there. She's on their bed. Has a hooded sweater on even though it's incredibly hot in the room. A blanket covers most of her body.

But what shocks Camila most is Lauren's face. Her eyes are open, red, her cheeks tear-stained, her lips swollen.

She walks over without bothering to close the door and sits down on the edge of the bed nearest to her girlfriend. She has no idea what she's supposed to say right now. She knows about the girl's depression, but ever since she was in therapy and started taking her antidepressants regularly again, this hasn't happened. She's worried, extremely worried. She bites the inside of her cheek. Her heart hasn't gone back to normal. Quite the opposite, actually, since she stepped into the room.

"Lauren, baby–"

The girl's head turns. Her eyes are– empty. No emotions showing. At all. She looks like she hasn't even realized someone is here until now. She blinks.

"Beautiful, I don't know what happened, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to or– or if you  _can't_  but– please try to at least nod if there's something I can do right now." Camila hopes her words reach Lauren. She  _desperately_  wishes they do. Because she'll be lost if they don't. Won't know what to try. What to do.

Fortunately, however, Lauren does nod. She looks like she wants to say something. Even opens her mouth. But then, she closes it again, turns her head and stares blankly at the ceiling.

Camila honestly wants to cry. But she swallows the tears and asks, "Lauren–" It's very careful, the way she says her words, "did you hurt yourself?"

Lauren nods slowly.

"Okay. Okay, baby, I promise I'm not upset because you did it. I was worried, yes, but now I'm proud of you. I know how much energy it takes to go through this with me right now." Camila leans toward the girl and decides to touch her leg – or the covers on top of it, anyway –reassuringly. Caresses it. Hopes it won't scare her.

It doesn't. Lauren blinks again instead. As if she becomes aware of her surroundings.

"Lauren–" Camila continues then, her hand still on her girlfriend's leg, "Is it your arms? Is that why you're wearing the hoodie? To cover your arms? The wounds on them?"

Another nod.

Camila closes her eyes in relief. "I'm proud of you for doing this," she repeats. "Lauren, baby, is it just your arms?"

This time, Lauren shakes her head slightly. Her eyes glaze over.

"Okay, Lo, stay with me, baby. I want you to tell me where else you cut so I can look at the wounds. Is it your legs?"

No reaction.

"Your thighs?"

Nothing.

"Baby– is it your feet? Hands?"

Still nothing.

"Okay, is it–" Camila is out of ideas for a second. Where else could she have cut? Her– oh. "Is it your stomach?"

Silent tears run from Lauren's eyes as she slowly nods her head once.

"Okay, baby, that was great. That was so good. I'm so proud of you." Camila squeezes the girl's thigh. Tries to convey that she really is proud of her. "Can I take your hoodie off?"

Lauren doesn't react for quite a while. But Camila is patient. She loves her girlfriend, and even though she can't talk, not right now, she can still communicate what she wants and that's all Camila needs.

The younger girl almost doesn't notice when Lauren gives the tiniest of nods. She smiles an encouraging smile. She knows Lauren can't see it, but she feels the need to, anyway. She slowly stands up, takes a few steps closer and finally kneels down right next to where Lauren's lying. The first thing she does, then, is to push the covers off of Lauren. Asks, "Is this okay?"

Lauren nods.

"Okay, baby, I'm going to watch you. If anything becomes too much, just shake your head, alright? I'll know and stop."

Another nod confirms that she's heard her.

Camila searches Lauren's hand. Once she's found it, she takes it in her own and rubs the girl's palm softly. It has an effect on her. She seems to relax a little.

The prospect of Camila seeing her wounds has probably made her anxious.

"Lo, baby," Camila says softly, "I know this is a lot to ask but can you sit up? I'll hold you."

A nod follows. It's almost unnoticeable. Then, Lauren squeezes Camila's hand, as if to ask, tell her–

"You want me to take your hand so you sit up better?"

A nod.

"Of course, baby." She strokes her hand again before tightening her grip. "I hope I don't hurt you," she says. It comes out more anxious than she intended it to be.

It takes some time and a few position changes until Lauren finally sits with her back against the headboard. Camila's a little out of breath, but– "I'm proud of you, Lo. You did well. Now– let me–" She stops. "This is still okay, right? I'm still allowed to take a look at your body? Your wounds?"

Lauren nods.

"Okay, then. Um– is it– can I take your hoodie off, now?"

"Yes."

Camila is surprised, to say the least. She didn't expect for Lauren to speak any time soon. She's even prouder now. "Good. I'm going to do that now. Good job, baby."

This, too, takes some time. Camila is extra careful. Doesn't want to risk her girlfriend getting hurt. Even  _more_  hurt. She's glad the hoodie Lauren's chosen to wear isn't too tight. It sits rather loose, and the sleeves don't get stuck on her arms once. Which is lucky, because she knows from the past that it can hurt a lot when that happens.

Once the piece of clothing is off, Camila says, "Lo, baby, I'm going to the bathroom to get some disinfectant now. Then I'll take a look at your wounds."

Instead of just nodding, Lauren also says, "Kiss."

Camila can't help but laugh at this. God, even when she's in pain and– just– overall miserable, she's still the cutest thing ever. Still grinning, she leans down and gives her girlfriend a long kiss. Then, "I'll be right back." Another kiss on the cheek, and she's out of the room.

Their bathroom isn't too big, which means there aren't a lot of shelves or drawers to store their stuff in. So it doesn't take long for Camila to collect everything she needs right now. Disinfectant, bandages, plasters, scissors to cut them – she takes everything she finds and walks back into the bedroom.

"Baby, I've brought everything I might potentially need. Now– still okay if I take a look at your arms and stomach?"

She receives a nod.

"Good." Camila crosses the room to get back to where she sat on the floor before and puts the bandages on the bed. So that she can reach them anytime. And finally, she proceeds to look at Lauren's arm. It looks bad. Really bad. There are cuts everywhere. Even her wrists. They're not deep, really, but there are  _a lot_  of them.  _So many cuts_.

This makes Camila's eyes fill with tears. She can't begin to imagine how much it hurts. And– God, it's going to be terrible once she puts the disinfectant on it. She closes her eyes. She has to do this. "Baby, this is going to hurt. A– a lot."

"Okay," Lauren rasps out in response. "I– can–"

"You can take it?"

A grateful nod.

Sighing, Camila grabs the bottle lying on the bed and applies some to the piece of cloth she brought along. 

It takes a lot for her not to start crying. Lauren screams when the liquid comes into contact with some of her wounds. It takes a lot, but she needs to be strong, because Lauren is, too, and she– she can do this.

And she does do it. It's kind of a blur. It's all screams and hot tears running down Lauren's cheeks. It's asking, "Are you sure you want me to go on?" over and over again, and it's countless nods from the girl who's so in pain.

It doesn't take more than 10 minutes, probably – the wounds on her stomach included – but Camila is so exhausted, it might as well have been three hours. But she's glad she's done it.

And, more importantly, she's so incredibly proud of Lauren. So, once she's put everything back into the bathroom, she lies down next to her. Doesn't dare touch her at first. But, soon, Lauren gets a little closer, and, after a few minutes, even puts an arm around her. They lie there for a long while. Listening to each other's breathing. 

"Thank you," Lauren mumbles suddenly.

"I'm so proud of you, Lo. For telling me, for letting me help you. For trusting me. I love you so much. Don't ever forget that, baby." Camila presses a kiss into her girlfriend's dark hair.

She  _swears_  she feels Lauren smile.

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope you liked this even though it was.... pretty bad stuff. 
> 
> kudos and comments are always appreciated.


End file.
